Peer Comments

To Laura Wilson on “Reasearch on the Beach Boys and Pet Sounds!”

Great blog, but I think you are missing a few things. First, while the “Question/Answer” format is fine for class I assume, I would have liked to see this as more of a journalistic style of writing. Where you wrote how you felt, your take on the subject, and whatever research you found. I think it would have been even more enjoyable that way. Second, you didn’t cite any information you put into your writing. Unless you know personally the information, you have to cite it. It can be taken as plagiarism. Otherwise, it was a great read and I would definitely read more of what you have to say.

Regards,

Kevin Decker

In response to Christopher Dixon’s Marvin Gaye post:

I definitely agree with ajsprad. I think the message you got from the research was awesome. That album was great, and it meant so much to let it go to waste.  There was so much heart and soul, Marvin really gave everything to those songs.  The only criticism that I can give comes in two parts.

  1. I would try to format the writing a little better. Separate into paragraphs by idea. It makes it a little easier to read.
  2. You misspelled Berry Gordy’s last name. It’s not Gordon.

Great post, keep up the awesome writing my friend.

Regards,

Kevin

 

In Response to DeMarcus McAuley’s Marvin Gaye post:

There are quite a few spelling errors in your piece. You forgot to capitalize the “G” in Marvin’s quite often and sometimes spelled it “Gay” instead of “Gaye”. Also, in the second topic, the last sentence should be “Black men were drafted in the war to fight.”

I would have liked to see a more personal blog instead of an “question/answer” format. I think if you make it your own, really put some creating writing into it, it will keep the readers coming back for more.

The song “What’s Going On” is about a lot more than just the Viet Nam war. It was about the race riots in Detroit a few years before the song was written, it was about the economic crisis going on there as well. One major topic of the song was the Kent State University massacre that happened in 1970, that involved the shooting of unarmed college students by the Ohio National Guard. It wasn’t because “Black men were getting drafted in the war to fight.” Americans of all races were getting drafted. Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, all of them. Unfortunately, the wealthy were able to avoid this.

I think you misunderstood the assignment here. We were supposed to discuss the album “What’s Going On” and you focused on just the song. I also do not see any sort of reference to where you got your information. You have several sentence that in quotation marks, but fail to cite the reference. You also reference an article but did not show a reference to that as well.  With a little bit of work, I think you can make a great blog of this.

Good luck,

Kevin

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